Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
This is not my ceiling
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
