the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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