you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
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