Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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