Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Randomize
