I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
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