just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
