i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
