I wish I only lived at night.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
