you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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