I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
