Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
