I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
This baby is an asshole
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
