I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
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