If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
