If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Randomize
