That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Randomize
