Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
the liver wants what the liver wants
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
