Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
