She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
