I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
