he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
