Christians are straight up FREAKS
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Come back. Shots need mouths.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
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