thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
its liver damage thursday
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
