Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Randomize
