im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
