I cut my penus on the lid.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
and you fell through a lawn chair
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
