I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
