Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
