I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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