Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Randomize
