i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
