I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
