11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
where are my eyebrows?
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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