I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I need to stop coming to work sober
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
