if only i could text you this smell
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
