he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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