I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
If I die, sorry about rent.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
