I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
