Three words: puerto rican gang bang
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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