Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
You took a bar mat shot.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Randomize
