I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
