hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
