Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
