ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
