so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Never underestimate the power of titties
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
