MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
