True but thats because hes a fetus.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
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