my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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