There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
