Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
MIDGETS
????
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
