Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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