A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
