i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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