oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
