Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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