I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Life is so much better after having sex.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
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