you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
